My Dear Son,
I will never forget the day I found out about you. The two little pink lines moved something in my heart that was forever changed on that evening in September, almost eight years ago. I remember rushing to the nearest restaurant to order a large chicken salad. All I wanted was to be healthy for you. I knew that my diet and lifestyle choices would have to change, and I wanted to give you the very best.
I devoured every book on pregnancy and babies I could find. I looked forward to each week where I could read about all of the miraculous things that were happening in your body; I knew when your toes were forming, your eyes, your fingernails. Even with just your tiny 6-week-old heartbeat, you brought more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.
Somewhere in the midst of it all, I remember reading a book that told me about the dangers and possible side effects of vaccines, but I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. The day after you were born, I was so filled with pain and medications that I thought nothing of it as I signed on the line to allow them to inject you with a vitamin K shot and the Hep B shot. At that moment, I remember thinking that the decision really wasn’t that difficult after all and lay back in bed to soak you in, every little bit of lanugo, your soft skin, your tiny hands and feet.
The next day you cried and cried and cried, and it was the beginning of what would later be episodes of nonstop crying. I didn’t know what to do. I tried nursing you, feeding you, swaddling, and rocking you. You had the hardest time sleeping, and you vomited so very much.
When you turned two months old, I took you for your well-child visit, the one where they checked all your vitals, told me you were healthy, then proceeded to move forward with the vaccinations. At this point, I was more cautious about it all, and it wasn’t quite as easy as it was when I was medicated at the hospital. I pleaded with the doctor to tell me that they were safe.
I told her about the book I had read, and she assured me that they were perfectly fine, then left me in the room with a hardcover book to look over while she prepared your shots. The book had page after page of stories about children who were not vaccinated and contracted certain diseases.
What I should have known to ask was where was the book about all of the children who were vaccinated and injured so that I could make a truly informed decision. I didn’t know that their stories were out there. I didn’t know where to look. When the doctor returned with the nurse, I trusted her and handed you over. I looked the other way as a knot formed in my stomach and cried with you as they gave you the injections.
A part of me broke that day.
You were sick often after that. Within the first three months of life, you were tested for GERD, had a spinal tap for fevers, and were put on more formulas than I can remember because of your severe projectile vomiting and constant crying. I remember crying with you often.
I went to different pediatricians looking for answers but none could help me. I remember one particular incident where I just sat and cried in the doctor’s office as you screamed for help the entire time. They called it colic. I never thought to check the side effects on the vaccine insert.
You had constant ear infections and fevers. I often found you banging your head on the crib slats late into the night. You had so much trouble sleeping. I didn’t know to worry though. I didn’t know that constant ear infections were a sign of a compromised immune system. I just thought that all kids got sick their first year of life.
The doctor told me that head banging was normal.
You had almost three more rounds of shots before your first birthday, and when you turned one, you had another ear infection, so we had to schedule a sick visit instead of a “well-child” visit in order to allow you time to heal after another round of antibiotics. I knew at that point not to allow the shots during an illness and treatment.
What I discovered, though, was that after you missed that dose, you stopped getting sick. You didn’t have another fever for the next six years of your life! There were no more ear infections or other illnesses to worry about, and things seemed to get better.
But through it all, there were other symptoms and behaviors that caused us to worry. You had constant meltdowns and screamed and yelled more than what seemed normal. You struggled every time we had to transition from one activity to another, and you had to have your toys lined up in a row, or you screamed loudly until they were put back. You had trouble playing with other kids and were often too rough and aggressive.
You also needed me to wear my hair a certain way or you’d throw a fit. You needed your clothes extremely tight around your abdomen and often pushed your body up against the table when you sat in your desk so that there was more pressure on you. You couldn’t stand the tags on your shirts or the sound of my finger sliding across the page of a book.
You never could swing on a swing, and you had so much trouble focusing and refused to do anything until everything in the room was in its place. If I told you to try to ignore it, you screamed and threw yourself on the floor and writhed.
I’ll never forget the day I took you to the library for storytime, and while all the kids sang and danced with the librarian, you were silently facing the wall, standing in the opposite direction. My heart stopped on that day. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do.
Over the course of the next seven years, we have spent thousands on testing and supplements and protocols. We’ve prayed so many prayers for wisdom and have been grateful to see that through it all, you have gotten better . . . so much better.
I thank God each day for the steps we have been able to take forward. Each doctor visit, each protocol, and each program has helped a bit more. You no longer need to wear tight pants and shirts around your abdomen, and it no longer bothers you when I run my finger across the page when you read. You can now swing on a swing and ride your bike without training wheels! I cannot tell you how happy it has made me to see you enjoy the wind on your face as you swing back and forth in the backyard.
You are so very smart, my dear boy. You love math and are one of the most creative individuals I have ever known. The costumes, dioramas, and the Lego creations you put together effortlessly just blow me away! I am in awe of you. You are so amazing.
I know you don’t always understand why we worry and why we have to go to another doctor appointment. You don’t always understand why you can’t have artificial dyes or eat a gluten cupcake at a birthday party. As a mother, it has been one of the hardest things to stand by my convictions when I know how very much you want to be like everybody else. It’s been so very hard.
But the other day I was reminded of why we do it. I was going through your medical files, and I noticed the stack was almost an inch thick, filled with paper after paper of lab results, receipts, and protocols. Your sisters’ folders were almost empty. They never suffered through fevers or ear infections or even runny noses. They have been so very healthy because of all we have learned through you.
I called you over that day and held you in my arms. I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I remembered the words of one of your healthcare practitioners. “You saved him when you stopped the vaccinations,” he had told me. “And he saved his sisters. Now, it’s time to help him get better.”
I know that you don’t really understand it all. I know that you struggle and don’t always know why you’re so “bad” all the time or just can’t sit still. I know that you get frustrated when you have to take your homeopathic and supplements again and again and again. I know that all you want to do is play and have fun.
But there are still just enough symptoms there to tell us you’re still sick on the inside. I learned that from one of your doctors. The outside stuff we see is just a result of what is happening to you on the inside. As you heal from the inside, the rest of the stuff will continue to get better . . . just like it has been.
Today, I found out that your insides are fighting a chronic virus and bacteria and possible fungus. Your insides are showing high numbers of white blood cells and a number of other acronyms that only our doctor could explain. You also have extremely high levels of iron in your blood and indications of intestinal poisoning. You are not gaining weight as you should. The doctor said that your EOS levels are some of the highest he has ever seen. . . and then he said something else. He said that lots of children have been coming to him with high, abnormal levels as well– more so than ever before. He said that an environmental factor is causing them to get sick.
And that’s when I asked him if all of this could have been caused by the vaccines you received as a baby, and he didn’t hesitate when he said “Absolutely.” He went on to explain the medical explanation for each prognosis, clearly outlining the connection to each, but I tuned out for a bit. My heart was broken.
I had always known it deep down and had confirmed it time and time again through my research and through conversations with other parents of vaccine-injured children, but hearing it once again from the doctor just brought me to my knees.
I am so sorry, my son.
I am sorry that I didn’t know to question more. I trusted the doctor, and I thought I was doing what was best for you. I didn’t know about the risks, and I was scared of the diseases.
And the truth is, I am still scared.
I am scared of what others will think when I share our story. I am scared of the trolls paid by Big Pharma that may come out of the walls to tell me how crazy I am even though there are many studies to show otherwise.
I worry that after I pour out my heart, everyone will just look away and not even care. I worry that others will think less of you if I say anything, and I cannot bear to think of that happening. You are such a beautiful person and so very full of life, and I would just explode if any one looked down on you because of all that you have endured.
But I know that I cannot be silent.
For you and for others, I have to speak up. I can’t look away now that I know the truth.
There are so many other children like you, so many that have lost far more. There are many that still stand to suffer if we do not share what has happened. People have a right to the truth.
You have come so far, and you have worked so hard, and I am so very proud of you. I know that one day, all of this will make more sense, and I pray that you will see all that we’ve done to help you. I hope you focus on the gains you have made and and not on what could have been.
We will stand by you, my dear boy, and your father and I will continue to do whatever it takes to help you get better. We will continue to pray for wisdom so that your body can heal and function as it was designed. We will trust that God will lead us every step of the way. We pray that you will also stand strong and hold on to your faith no matter what.
You are a Warrior Prince, my son. Don’t you ever forget that.
I love you for always.
Your mommy and biggest fan,
Here are more stories from others who have suffered from a vaccine injury:
I pray that as parents, we can join together to protect our rights and our children.
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The information on this site is for informational purposes only and is not medical advice. Please seek a qualified healthcare provider for more information.